The WikiLeaks cables were the political story of 2010. They revealed government deceit, doubletalk and downright illegality. That aside, they also showed that politicians, generals and diplomats are as gossipy, petty and vain — and sometimes way more — as the rest of us ordinary mortals. In fact, special mention needs to be made of those who the cables have shown to be the worst among equals.

Winner: Kim Jung Il. In 2008, as the US was frantically negotiating with North Korea over its nuclear programme, the American embassy was told that arranging a concert by Eric Clapton in Pyongyang “could also be useful.” Most countries want a mountain of cold, hard cash or stuff it can buy for concessions; North Korea’s tinpot dictator was only too happy to settle for an ageing rock star who hasn’t had a hit song for two decades.

Runner up: Silvio Berlusconi. There are few rock stars as persistently annoying as serial do-gooder Bono. His constant hectoring paid off though. After Italy took over the presidency of the G8 in 2009, Silvio Berlusconi is quoted as saying that he would increase his country’s aid to Africa to divert a “tongue-lashing” from Bono. I guess anything’s better than sitting through one of his interminable songs.

Winner: Silvio Berlusconi. According to the WikiLeaks cables, the Italian Prime Minister’s “penchant for partying hard” has left him a “complete mess.” That, of course, is moot. The man has been happily cavorting with a teenager and has been photographed surrounded by a dozen topless women at his villa.

Runner up: Moammar Gaddafi: Libya’s president-for-life is apparently never seen without his “voluptuous blonde” Ukranian nurse. And given that Gaddafi’s security detail is exclusively made up of young women, company is something the prez is clearly not short of.

Winner: South Africa. Zimbabwe’s dictator Robert Mugabe has few friends left in the world. About the only country still willing to publicly tolerate him is South Africa. That aside, the South African international affairs minister is quoted as calling Mugabe “the crazy old man.”

Runner-up: Egypt. In deference to Muslim sensibilities, Egypt has been unwilling to criticise Iran in public. But in private, even they seem to agree that Mahmoud Ahmedinejad, in what might qualify as the understatement of the year given the person in question denies the Holocaust, “does not think rationally” and is “stirring up trouble.”

Winner: Dimitry Medvedev. The Russian president, known to be under the shadow of Vladimir Putin, is described as someone who “plays Robin to Putin’s Batman.” Basically, he is the immature sidekick, of indeterminate sexual orientation, who always gets his master into trouble.

Runner up: Hamid Karzai. Afghanistan’s leader is said in one cable to be “an extremely weak man who did not listen to facts but was instead easily swayed by anyone who came to report even the most bizarre stories or plots against him.” Which makes his hatred of Pakistan even more perplexing since he would fit right into our political culture.

Winner: Pakistan. Three English-language and two Urdu-language newspapers breathlessly published what they claimed were WikiLeaks cables, badmouthing Indian generals and showing their hidden hand in terrorism in Pakistan. Turned out they were fake. Basically, we were trying to fool ourselves into thinking that India was guilty of doing to Pakistan what we’ve actually been doing to them for the last two decades.

Runner-up: Russia. There is a lot the Russians would do to pretend that they were the aggrieved party in their invasion of Georgia in 2008. Like make up a fake WikiLeaks cable. A Russian newspaper took a real WikiLeaks cable but purposely mistranslated it to claim that all the western countries knew that Georgia was responsible for the war.

This article was originally published in the January 2011 issue of Newsline.