What exactly ails Pakistan cricket? Is it the captaincy of Mohammed Yousuf, who compensates for his abundant natural talent with a distinct lack of brain matter? Perhaps it is our batsmen and their techniques, ruined by years of making hay on flat subcontinental wickets. Maybe it’s our fielders who, in attempting to take catches, look like Charlie Brown after Lucy has pulled the football from under his feet. Or, as ‘Dr’ Aamir Liaquat suggests in this video (via Teeth Maestro), it could be the colour of our boots.

Scroll to about 3:30 in the video to hear the Aalim decry our green shoes:

How are you supposed to respond to a man who thinks wearing green boots displeases Allah so much that He favours the arrogant, entitled Aussies over us? I think President Asif Zardari knows what to say: